The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with
the person you will spend the rest of your life with;
As Women, we skillfully and unselfishly play many different roles every single day without a second thought. Without question, we attend to the wants and needs of the people we love and care for, often to the detriment of our own wants and needs. We hold down jobs or run our own businesses whilst juggling dozens of other spinning plates. We are in fact super-heroines! The sad thing is, we don’t recognise or acknowledge that because what we do becomes automatic and who we are. That’s when we lose sight of the person we really are, not giving ourselves any time or attention and running on auto-pilot.
Then, out of the blue, we get a sideways swipe, a major life event happens. Perhaps something dramatic like an affair, a divorce, other relationship issues, or a partner starts to work from home, a disability, a redundancy, or empty-nesting to name a few. We try to make sense of it, and wonder what happened to that feisty 24-year-old? Where did she go? How did she end up here without noticing the loss of the past few decades?
Everything feels alien and then you realise how much time was wasted being somebody else. We feel scared, stuck, anxious, and lost. We may even feel resentful and unappreciated as we stare at a crossroads and wonder who the bloody hell we are, what our purpose is, and which path we should take. I know, I was that woman!
A little about me. I’ve worked in high-powered demanding corporate positions, endured a long-term toxic relationship culminating in an extremely acrimonious divorce. I’ve experienced my fair share of trauma having been mugged and thrown about, twice, and had my front door sledge-hammered down at 03:00 am whilst I slept. I survived all that including many years of narcissistic abuse.
I’m the mother of a special needs disabled son and have walked paths that have caused me stress, grief, anxiety, trauma, overwhelm, and which shattered my confidence and self-esteem.
Today, I combine my many hours of training and my own personal experiences, to inspire and support people to trust and accept themselves for who and what they are, warts and all, to know and believe that they are enough and are deserving of the relationships and life that they truly desire and deserve. BECAUSE once you trust and accept yourself, there is no limit to what you can achieve. I truly believe that!
My personal values are COURAGE, FUN, FREEDOM, JUSTICE, and AUTHENTICITY, they are the core of who I am and what I bring to my practice.
Why The Boundary Queen? Boundaries are the bedrock of all successful relationships, and I have found over the years, that clients either have no boundaries or their boundaries are weak and open to abuse, or they are afraid to set, communicate and maintain their boundaries, but wonder why their relationships are not how they would like them to be, or why they have such little self-confidence and self-esteem.
Your personal healthy boundaries are unique to you. You have a right to set boundaries and you have the right to expect people to respect them. You may be scared to implement your boundaries for fear of being perceived as unhelpful or selfish. You may feel guilty that loved ones will think you don’t love them. You may be scared to set boundaries in your work life for fear of losing your job, not advancing in your career, or losing clients.
Your boundaries are a vital ingredient to your happiness and success in life. Healthy boundaries let people know who you are, how you want to be treated, and what behaviour is, or is not acceptable to you. BUT, if your boundaries are weak, or people don’t know what your boundaries are, they can hardly be blamed for treating you in a way that causes you to feel, used, unappreciated, resentful, obligated, unsupported, or angry.
Think about who you have a relationship with; parents, siblings, other family members, partner, lover, children, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, employer/employees, or clients. That’s a lot of relationships all of which will demand a different set of or modified boundaries to ensure that you maintain your autonomy, authenticity, and self-respect
I know from personal experience how important healthy boundaries are to our happiness and success and it gives me great excitement to be able to help you to set, communicate and maintain yours.
When you trust and accept yourself, warts and all,
EVERYTHING else falls into place. ~Marie Fraser
There are many coaches out there and, I believe, it’s important you find the ‘right’ one for you.
I offer a no-obligation FREE 30-minute chat. During which time you can hear about the way
I work, how I can help, and whether you feel comfortable with me.
It’s very important to me that you feel confident, secure, and above all safe with the person
to whom you will be revealing your concerns, hopes, dreams, desires, and the real you.
My Gift To You:
Some factors that affect each and every one of us.
Your degree of confidence, called self-confidence, is the trust or faith that you have in yourself and your abilities. Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself.
Realistic feelings of confidence and positive self-esteem affect how you think and act, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about others, and how successful you are in life. Having confidence doesn’t mean that you can do or are good at everything. Quite the reverse, confident people have realistic expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and accept themselves.
As well as being positive, confident people are more likely to take risks in life, because they trust and believe in themselves and their abilities, leading them to become much more successful in all areas of their life.
We are all born confident. Babies and toddlers are full of confidence in themselves and their abilities. I mean never in the history of humankind has a baby (if they have the capacity) tried to get up and walk, fallen down, which probably hurts, and then said ‘Nah, this walking lark is hard work, I think I’ll just sit here for the rest of my life’. Walking is an incredibly complex procedure but they don’t give up, even after the thousandth attempt, they persevere, get back up and carry on again and again until they succeed.
They also love all the attention showered upon them and are happy to run around naked without giving a second thought to their little chubby thighs. Children are more than happy to proudly show off their little stickmen drawings to all and sundry, without fear of judgement or ridicule.
But then, as we get older and as a result of our life’s experiences and how we relate to and handle them, we start to take on the opinions, beliefs and judgements of others. If you’ve been subjected to traumatic or negative experiences, you are highly likely to be affected by a lack of self-efficacy, confidence, and poor self-esteem which will adversely affect all relationships, including the relationship with yourself. For example:
- The way you were treated in your family of origin can affect us long after childhood. If you had parents or caregivers who consistently belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you’re extremely likely to carry those messages today.
- Emotional abuse. This takes place on a psychological level and includes belittling, constant criticism, controlling, blaming, gaslighting, and scapegoating. Narcissistic manipulation, for example, is traumatic and extremely damaging to your confidence and self-esteem.
- Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence, as can humiliating experiences in adulthood. This can make you less willing to speak up for yourself and lead to people-pleasing behaviours, and being taken advantage of.
- Another form of faulty thinking is perfectionism which hugely contributes to a lack of confidence, overthinking, and procrastination, which leads to goals and dreams being permanently out of reach.
- Lack of or weak personal boundaries. Leave you feeling used, resentful, unappreciated, angry, whilst chipping away at your self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Imposter Syndrome, doubting your abilities, feeling like a fraud. This disproportionately affects high-achieving individuals who struggle to accept their accomplishments and believe they are not good enough.
How does all this happen you might ask if we are all born confident? The human brain is made up of hundreds of billions of neural pathways making trillions of neural connections. Imagine your brain as a road map, and when you are a baby it’s a map of small and narrow cycle tracks (neural pathways). As you grow, learn and experience life, more cycle tracks are formed, and as you practice these new skills, behaviours, and beliefs the cycle tracks become deeper and wider and turn into huge motorways. These motorways are known as habits, and habits become automatic, like brushing your teeth.
Another example is driving. When first learning every movement is jerky and clunky. During the learning period, you are laying down new neural pathways (cycle tracks) and, over time with consistent practice, your driving becomes much smoother and you feel more confident. The act of driving becomes a habit, a habit so automatic there are times, on some journeys, when you reach your destination and have very little or no recollection of the actual journey itself.
And so, if you are or have been subjected to traumatic and/or negative experience(s), like humiliation, belittling, manipulation, or abuse for example, over a period of time, new neural pathways (cycle tracks) form which over time form habits and beliefs that, for example, you’re not good enough, you’re not lovable enough, or you’re unworthy, stupid and undeserving. These negative and untrue beliefs will of course diminish your confidence, crush your self-esteem and affect your happiness and success in life.
There are of course other experiences that happen perhaps only once, which can have a detrimental effect on your mental wellness, for months or even years after the event, if the problem is left unresolved. My own particular experience of my front door being broken down and my space invaded in the middle of the night whilst I slept, was very traumatic to me and it took me many years to recover from it. Back then, I didn’t have the knowledge and tools that I now do.
I can’t go back to yesterday, I was a different person then.
Who I Work With
My clients come from all walks of life and are carrying all kinds of emotions that are causing them distress and affecting their quality of life, from abandonment, anger, lack of confidence, guilt, shame, resentment, not feeling good enough, relationship problems, communication problems, stress, anxiety, depression, and emotional abuse, to name but a few.
Clients come because they are looking for a change in their lives. They want to get rid of something, or they want something, and sometimes they don’t know what they want. BUT, they all have one thing in common, they want the PAIN they are experiencing to STOP.
They just don’t know why, but life isn’t happening how they want it to. They’ve reached the point where they’ve tried single-handily to alleviate their pain, but now feel that professional help and support will allow them to untangle and make sense of the unhelpful and negative thoughts and feelings that are plaguing them.
They want to move away from the pain of feeling stuck in analysis paralysis to the pleasure of re-igniting their confidence and self-esteem. They want to get to know themselves, to feel alive, feel fulfilled, and to achieve their dreams and goals with a sense of freedom and fun.
“Marie is amazing: to the point and kind, she provided me with an incredible amount of support, and it all felt natural. With her guidance and reassurance, she managed to help me see the wood from the trees, she got me to look at myself in a much more positive, constructive, and a much more loving way. My relationship with my boys improved almost overnight. How I relate to men has also gradually improved and it no longer is a source of anxiety, grief, frustration, and anger.” Valerie UK
“I am quite emotional while writing this as it has totally changed my life, my thought patterns, my relationship with myself and others.
I wish I had done this work with Marie Fraser years ago, what a transformation, especially my relationship with myself and how I look at life now. You have changed my life forever Marie. Thank you”. Phil UK
“…………I was stressed from work and suffering from a general lack of confidence, self-doubt and anxiety.
Your approach was relaxing and I felt safe. I liked your humanness and warmth and did not feel judged, but really supported.
I am much calmer, more grounded, less stressed and able to “let go” which has also benefitted my personal relationship with my partner“.
Katja J. UK
“………I was stuck and couldn’t seem to get on with anything. I had very low motivation which was affecting my life as I was becoming depressed.
What surprised me about working with Marie was that she seemed to “get it” immediately. For that reason, I enjoyed working with her, it was easy and natural.
I have moved forward in my writing and now have an agent who is keen to publish my book”.
Marilyn C. UK
“………For over twenty years, after the breakup of my marriage to an absive man, I suffered from anxiety and overthinking, and forever asking myself ‘why?’.
The sessions I had with Marie gave me the confidence and trust to open up. I feel lighter and free, as though a great weight has been lifted and my confidence has skyrocketed.
After twenty years of hanging on, I’ve finally learned to let go!”.
Hannah T. UK
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