Say “Yes” to You™
THE BOUNDARY QUEEN
as seen in
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can’t base our own worthiness on others’ approval. Only when we believe deep down, that we are enough can we say ENOUGH!”
– Brene Brown
We women, skillfully and unselfishly play many different roles every single day without a second thought. Without question, we attend to the wants and needs of the people we love and care for, often to our own detriment. We say “Yes” to everyone, except ourselves, and
WHEN WE SAY “YES” TO EVERYONE ELSE WE ARE SAYING “NO” TO OURSELVES
Courageously we hold down jobs or run our own businesses whilst juggling dozens of spinning plates. The sad thing is, we don’t acknowledge just how amazing we are because what we do has become so automatic, it’s what we do and who we are.
The result…..we lose sight of the person we really are. All this pushing and doing, not giving ourselves any time or attention, and not attending to our own needs is driving us to burnout because our boundaries are way out of whack.
Then, out of the blue, we get a sideways swipe, and a major life event happens. Perhaps something dramatic like an affair, a divorce, not getting that promotion, or the longed-for managerial role, other relationship issues, a partner starting to work from home, a disability, a redundancy, retirement, or empty-nesting to name a few.
Trying to make sense of it, we wonder what happened to that feisty 24-year-old. Where did she go? How did she end up here without noticing the loss of the past few decades?
Everything feels alien and then you realise how much time you wasted being somebody else.
Wondering who the bloody hell you are, feeling scared, stuck, anxious, and lost, perhaps even resentful, angry, and unappreciated.
Questioning what your purpose is, and which direction you should take.
I know, I was that woman!
Hi I’m Marie
For many years I worked in high-powered demanding corporate positions and endured a long-term toxic relationship culminating in an extremely acrimonious divorce.
I’ve experienced my fair share of trauma having twice been mugged and assaulted, my personal space was invaded when my front door was sledge-hammered down at 03:00 am whilst I slept.
On their first birthday, my youngest child was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. That and years of emotional abuse caused me a great deal of stress, anxiety, grief, and overwhelm, which shattered my confidence and self-esteem.
When you are at rock bottom, the only way is up.
Now, as a boundary management and communication specialist, I combine my training in clinical hypnotherapy, life coaching, neuro-linguistic programming, and iMA Communication, as well as my own personal experiences to help and support professional women to silence their inner critic, stop playing small and to confidently shine their light for the brilliant and amazing women they are, so they can go forward with confidence and self-belief to achieve their personal and professional dreams, and it will be my privilege to do the same for you.
My children are my greatest achievement and bring me the deepest joy, I love spending time with them when diaries permit. I’m a hobby photographer and travel is my weakness.
I’m lucky to have visited all seven continents, including an expedition trip to Antarctica, flying up to and landing on the sea ice in the Arctic to see the Northern Lights, standing on the top of Ayres Rock (when you were allowed to walk up it), and a memorable 7,000km drive around Norway in a rather large motorhome.
I waltz between North Norfolk and central London with Alf, my miniature wire-haired dachshund.
My personal values are COURAGE, FUN, FREEDOM, JUSTICE, INTEGRITY, and AUTHENTICITY. They are the core of who I am and what I bring to my practice.
- Ever say YES when you really want to say NO?
- Inconvenience yourself for other people?
- Spin many plates but avoid asking for help?
- Worry people won’t like you if you don’t go along with them?
- Often feel you have no time for yourself?
- Have an issue with someone’s behaviour, but let it go? Or even make excuses for them?
- Excessively invest in the decisions, feelings, and outcomes of the people you love?
- Feel used, unappreciated, unsupported, and overwhelmed in some or all areas of your life?
- Feel the need to be needed?
Do You tell yourself….
- I can’t be bothered to say anything when something is bothering you. (Because perhaps the other person never listens)
- I don’t want to cause a drama. (like sending food back in a restaurant)
- I don’t want to create conflict because I’m scared I might lose my partner, my job, or my client?
- People might dislike me if I’m not how they want me to be.
- Other people’s wants are more important than mine.
- I don’t have the right to demand more.
- People who set boundaries are unhelpful and selfish.
“Your personal boundaries are the bedrock of your happiness and success because they put you in the driving seat of your life”.
Many clients come with either no set boundaries, their boundaries are weak and open to abuse, or they’re afraid to set their boundaries. In all cases, they wonder why their relationships are not how they would like them to be, why they have such little confidence and self-esteem, or why they’re feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or angry.
Boundaries come in five general categories; Emotional, Material, Mental, Physical, and Sexual, and when any of them are transgressed, we’re in trouble.
Your personal boundaries are unique to you. You have a right to set them and you have the right to expect people to respect them. You may be scared to implement your boundaries for fear of being perceived as unhelpful or selfish, or you may feel guilty that loved ones will think you don’t love them. You may be scared to set boundaries in your work life for fear of losing your job, not advancing in your career, or losing clients.
Your boundaries are crucial to your happiness and success in life. They let people know who you are, how you want to be treated, and what behaviour is or is not acceptable to you. If your boundaries are weak, inconsistent or people are unaware of them, they can hardly be blamed for treating you in a way that causes you to feel used, unappreciated, resentful, obligated, unsupported, or angry.
Think about who you have a relationship with; parents, siblings, other family members, partner, lover, children, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, employer/employees, or clients.
That’s a lot of relationships all of which will demand a different set of, or modified boundaries, to ensure that you maintain your autonomy, authenticity, and self-respect.
Healthy boundaries help us to avoid:
* People pleasing
* Toxic people and toxic relationships
* Feeling emotionally exhausted
* Narcissists and narcissistic behaviour and abuse
* Being misunderstood and taken advantage of
Some of the Ways to Work with Marie
Say “Yes” to You™
This four-week programme is specifically geared toward identifying and rectifying:
* Where your personal boundaries are weak or non-existent
* Where your false beliefs are holding you back
* Where your inner critic is keeping you stuck
* Where your lack of confidence and/or self-belief are preventing you from showing up as your best self
Confident Communication for Personal Impact™
This four-week programme teaches you how to adapt your style of communication in order to better understand others and for you to be better understood.
Creating a deeper connection through effective communication is a much-underrated skill for relationship success in both your personal and professional life.
Effective communication will make a huge difference to the success of your relationships.
Stress and anxiety are incredibly debilitating if not addressed. They have detrimental effects on both your mental and physical well-being.
For example, I have worked with clients who have been referred by chiropractors because their physical symptoms have been caused by stress and anxiety, not skeletal problems.
Hypnotherapy can be an extremely effective tool in helping stress and anxiety.
Clients use this ninety-minute Power Session for very many reasons. Here are a few:
* A problem that is troubling them, and has for some time, but despite their best efforts, they just seem unable to resolve satisfactorily
* Relationship issues either with friends, family, or work colleagues
* They want to be able to talk about an issue and flesh out ideas in a safe non-judgemental space with someone outside of their circle
HOW I CAN HELP?
Sometimes we just need to try and make sense of the thoughts and feelings that are coursing through us.
Perhaps you can’t put your finger on it, but something is causing you to feel agitated when you want to feel peace.
Perhaps you are in a circle of overthinking which is exhausting you and not providing any answers.
Maybe you just need:
Someone to talk to.
Someone who will listen, really listen to what you have to say.
Someone who can understand you.
Someone you can trust and feel safe with.
Someone you can talk to without fear of judgment or reprisal.
If this is you...
then do book a no-obligation complimentary call to find out more.
why no client testimonials?
You may find testimonials from clients on many coaching and therapy websites, but there are reasons why I personally do not publish these.
I abide by the ethical code of the National Council of Integrative Psychotherapists which considers the use of client testimonials unethical.
I take the confidentiality of my clients very seriously, and in order to comply with advertising requirements, testimonials need to be able to be verified, and the process of verification would breach the confidentiality of my clients.
As a coach and therapist, it’s my aim to ensure that our work together is tailored specifically for you.
There is no cookie-cutter approach, and therefore your experience of coaching or indeed therapy will not be the same as the next person.
If you would like to find out how your life can be transformed by coaching and/or therapy or to simply find out more about coaching, hypnotherapy, and the way I work, please do not hesitate to contact me here.
If you can resonate with any of the above, I invite you to book a free, no-obligation call with me to find out how I can help you.